What I want…I think

Everything from the initial message to what do do after we meet up, it’s all here. 


Here’s the general flow of how I choose a guy and what I’d like and what I don’t want to deal with. Let’s just call it another well intentioned rant and get on with it. I’ll be honest, I was feeling salty when I wrote this out and then I decided, fuck it I’m not going back to edit, it is what it is.

It all starts with getting in touch:

Thought out messages: If you can’t take 5 minutes to write a message I have little faith in your ability to hold a conversation. Tell me about yourself outside of the bedroom, what are you interested in, what might we have in common. Tell me about yourself in the bedroom if you’re so inclined but don’t make it the only thing you tell me. I’m aware most men are physically capable of fucking so you don’t need to sell me on that. You can stand out by being someone I’d like to spend some time with but if all I know is that you can fuck for 5 hours with your giant magic horse cock…meh.

Include photos: It all starts with mutual attraction and if I don’t know what you look like I won’t fuck you or be interested in fucking you. I’m sad that I even have to mention it but I get so many messages with no photo and when asked for one it’s like I’m asking to borrow $15k…the shock and surprise that I’d want to see your face is amazing. If I didn’t want to see what you look like I’d find a glory hole, not post an ad looking for partners. I know that privacy is a concern for many many people and if that’s the case maybe this way of finding hookups isn’t for you. Go to a bar and meet women face to face and don’t waste my time with negotiating to fuck blind. It’s never gonna happen. Actually it worked once….literally once…and he was one of the most amazing dudes I met and he won me over on the photo front because he was a ‘well known’ hollywood dude so I let it slide. So if you’re literally in the 1% of dudes who’s so dope that you can do that…do you but you’re most likely not so just send a pic. Also the other ‘hollywood dude’ I fucked was an actor and even he complied with my verification photo first rule. So really nobody (but that one dude) is above that rule. At the least follow the rules for posting on r/ladybonersgw, at least half of your face has to be showing. No plain old dick pics or blurry body pic from the 90’s….gotta give me some idea of what you’re working with. Also it doesn’t have to be a dirty pic, I prefer it’s not, so no worries about losing your job or outing yourself….send a pic you’d be willing to post an fb or insta. I don’t share pics like that and I make very sure the the privacy of the dudes I’m with is respected at all times. So send a pic. In case I forgot to mention it above….send a damn picture of yourself or I won’t fuck you.

No teeth pulling: I can find something to talk about with almost anyone but if you can’t give me anything to work with that’s on you. If I have to ask every question and carry the conversation I’m just going to give up. I don’t care how hot or desireable you are (or think you are) I don’t beg for pics or conversation and as soon as I have to I’m out.

Address me…not my husband: Oh lord….if I get one more message from a dude that refuses to address me and will only address my husband I’m going to throw my laptop out of a window!  I think it’s painfully obvious that I post all my own stuff, from my pov, using the appropriate verbiage and pronouns, yet there’s so many guys who still send…’hey man, you’re wife looks hot I’d love to fuck her.’ Gag me with a fucking spoon! Ugh I hate this and find it not only condescending but I think you’re stupid. Not in an insulting way but like you’re actually not very smart. I’ve messaged back and said that it’s my profile and not his and I write my own posts and they are chatting with me, not him and they still insist on only addressing him in messages. Mind boggling. I get that some people want to be respectful of my husband and that’s great but you can’t disrespect me in the process. If I say something is my decision, respect that and talk to me like a human woman…not my husbands property. Unless you have a very very handsome dowry, plenty of goats and a time machine to go back when that shit was the norm, your ploy of winning over my husband by ignoring me won’t work.

Flirting: I’m shit at it so I won’t hold your attempts at flirting against you but could you steer away from talking at me like we’re negotiating a business deal. I’m trying to find cool people to fuck and there’s nothing less sexy than feeling like a transaction is taking place. I’m not a prostitute (despite many people thinking hotwives are by default) so treat me like any other woman you’re getting to know. If that’s how you treat all women…I can’t help you, just stay home and do the world a favor with your absence. Obviously there’s some logistics to work out so not everything is sexy flirty talk but again…it’s not a transaction, it’s a conversation so let it unfold, don’t force a narrative that you think hotwives want.  Be your normal flirty self, or your charming self or your nerdy self…I don’t care but be yourself and don’t try to just say and do things that you think hotwives/couples find sexy. We’re all different but I can say we all want to know the real you, not a version you made up to seem appealing to this specific fantasy.

If you read all that above you can already tell that I’m judging a lot based on how you can communicate. We’re all adults here so I expect that you can carry a phone or text conversation and get your personality across to some degree while being a respectful self aware individual.  

Now that we know each other a bit we have get into making plans:

If I haven’t made you mad yet I’m about to. When it comes to making plans I love enthusiasm but I hate pushiness. It’s a fine line, I know, but find it and stay on the right side of it. It’s terribly unfair now that I think about it but I’m also being honest. Ideally you’re flexible with your schedule, you make it easy to meet up and you’re not too shy to let me know you want to meet. On the other hand if you’re being a pushy asshole about it and not taking no for an answer or being understanding of scheduling issues I’ll pull the plug on meeting. Typically it’s the people who insist on meeting right away that are an issue. I may not be able to up and leave to meet right then and there and dudes get really salty about that. I’m not a booty call so if you can’t plan ahead a day to meet and then insist whatever time/place works for you…I’ll just move on to someone who respects my time. I need someone to want to meet up with me and share that excitement. I love enthusiasm and I need that enthusiasm from a partner (or potential) but it shouldn’t feel suffocating or demanding in any way.

Notice: At first I don’t do last minute meetups, just not my style. If we meet up a few times and we’re vibing it’s different, spontaneous plans are fun and hot but I’m not going to do that with a stranger. I prefer to chat for awhile, know the person a bit and then make plans. Even then I need a little notice, like a day or two. In my case, I have kids and a husband a life outside of this so I don’t mind shifting plans around but I have to account for 5 people’s plans, schedules and lives, not just my own so understanding that goes a long way with me. If you’re looking for on demand pussy, support your local economy and hire an escort, don’t hit me up for that.


Consistency: Ultimately I don’t care too much about the where and what time we meet but it would be awesome if you’re clear and upfront about your availability. Personally I’d like to leave my husband with one night a week that he can get the kids to sleep and play video games to his heart’s content (and do whatever husbands do when wives are out) so at the moment weekly would be amazing, if you’re available once a quarter it’s not going to work. If you want to meet up every other day that’s not gonna work (although I’d love your enthusiasm) so I’m open to finding a happy medium but be upfront about how available because I’ve heard ‘I want to meet up weekly’ only to not meet up weekly with said dude after all. I’m a creature of habit maybe so I prefer having a bit of time to plan and it’s just easier for me to have a day or two a week that I know I can go do my thing.

Hosting: If you can host, let me know. If you can’t that’s cool but have an idea of where we can meet. I can’t host (as I’ve mentioned I have a very full house) so if we’re getting a hotel, great! Suggest a few so I know what you have in mind. I don’t want to fuck you in your car (or mine). I mean I have and I’m not opposed to it occasionally but if we can only meet up in the backseat, it’s gonna be a no from me dawg.

Date night:

Keep it low key: While this all makes it seem like I may be the saltiest pickiest bitch ever I swear I’m far more low key.  Ideally I just wanna chill. Meeting up is my night off from the norm (granted I take myself on dates here and there but it’s not quite the same thing) so I want a fairly relaxing night off. Every ‘date’ I’ve been on typically is hanging out at the dudes place, having some drinks and conversation, maybe watch a movie or listen to some music and it goes from there. I’m there to continue getting to know you and enjoy the chemistry and build up, don’t need or want a lot of distractions. Ultimately I want a night that’s about adult conversation and adult fun. It’s my time not to be mom/wife/daughter/sister. I’m open to ‘date’ like ideas and activities but I’m equally down to just chill, have drinks, get tipsy, fuck like crazy.  

A little space please: Don’t know where else to put this but I really appreciate being given the space and time on a date to stay in touch with my husband. I find it really rude to hang out with someone and they’re on the phone the entire time so I never do that but I do keep it close by and if I need a few minutes to chat with my husband, give me space. I don’t want to tell you what we’re chatting about (weird that guys even ask imo) and I don’t want to feel rushed. I try to be aware of how much I’m on my phone and my husband understands that I’m there to enjoy the night so I don’t have to be in constant contact with him but I like to check in and let him know I miss him or am thinking about him, or we need to talk ‘shop’ about home life for a bit. Whatever the case, I know it’s annoying to not have someone’s full attention but in this situation I’m trying not to be rude and I appreciate guys who ‘get’ that and are ok with that in the moment.

Pics/Videos: I want photos and video. If that’s not your thing then I most likely won’t fuck you. I’m as camera shy as it gets and I still fire that bad boy up and record so if we compromise and keep faces out or whatever that’s cool but if you’re ultimately opposed to any photo or video then I’m sure there’s a compatible person for you out there but it’s not me. I’ll note that I take privacy seriously so i always blur out any guy I fuck (even the ones that don’t want to be blurred) and I don’t share video privately or publicly if I’m asked not to but I still want pics for me so it’s kind of a deal breaker.

After the fact:

If you took photos or videos (which I typically only use my own phone/laptop for) send those to me in a timely manner. I want them and you have them…share. Lol. Don’t make me chase you down asking repeatedly to send the pics/videos. My husband and I won’t like you very much. I share promptly if you want the pics and I expect the same. It doesn’t take long and it’s pretty easy so just share them with us asap.

OMG follow up. I mean if you never want to see or fuck me again then my all means ghost but so far that hasn’t been the case and yet so few dudes follow up. I don’t care if I fucked you once or 100 times a well timed, I had a great time goes such a long way. I thought this was just normal human stuff but I’ve spent many a days thinking things must have gone terribly because I didn’t hear a peep from the dude for days…then of course there’s the ‘hey let’s meet again’. I guess that’s supposed to imply that they had fun and want a repeat but by then I’ve written it off in my mind since I had days to assume the worst. It might just be me who does that but it is what it is. I don’t need or want constant validation but it’s nice to know if you enjoyed yourself and it just puts the mind at ease and gives me days to revel in the fun we had instead of questioning it. I’ve told guys that I assumed they weren’t interested and moved on mentally and they always say…”I didn’t want to step on any toes by messaging”…alright buddy you just nutted on my face and now you’re a pinnacle of a gentleman who wouldn’t dare intrude by complimenting the person you were just balls deep in….nah fam. Just say you had fun or something if you did and if you didn’t…you can tell me cause I’m a grown woman who can handle it or don’t and ghost. It’s your call, I’m just telling you what I’ll assume based on your actions, ya know.

I think that’s all the salt left in me, for now. I assume most of this is general human communication and respect kind of stuff yet I still have an inbox full of messages showing me that it kinda needs to be said.