It would be impossible for me to be unbiased but for this post I’m going to do my best to present the facts as impartially as possible. After a recent meetup with a somewhat frequent fwb our thinking is a little cloudy and we figured sharing here might help us sort out some thoughts since our moral compass seems to be missing at the moment.
The facts: About 3 weeks ago the ranger got in touch on kik. After being out of touch for a few months it was a welcome surprise to hear from him. Standard texting commences. He mentions that he only has the place to himself for a few days so he’d love to meet up that night or the next. I asked about the deadline and he mentions that his girl is out of town so that’s when he’s free. When I asked about the newest chick he was seeing his phrasing was that he was ‘kinda seeing someone, nothing serious’. Now, I’ve been meeting up with him for years and have seen chicks come and go, kinda typical seeing as how I mainly meet single guys. My point is that I didn’t think much of it or much of the ‘kinda-girlfriend’. I talk it over with my husband and we both figure it’ll be a good time (as usual) and I should go. This particular guy and I usually talk, drink and whatnot for a while and catch up on things so I imagined I’d hear about the newest girl and the rest of dating misadventures. Anyway, we’re in. I let him know I’ll be by his place the following night.
Friday rolls around and after a little back and forth we get our plans together and I head over to his place. Before I even get in his apartment I can tell he’s practically married to this chick. There’s a fucking autumn themed wreath on the door. I’ve been to enough bachelor pads now to know that this man is practically wifed up. But hell I’m already at the door and I want the D so I go ahead and knock. Then the second wave hits…his apartment is decorated. There’s actual coordinating colors, throw pillows, art hanging on the walls, a fall themed table runner, the whole shabang. As usual though we fall right into the norm of having a drink and chilling on the couch. It was all fine and good and we caught up a bit and talked about the last time we met (it was odd b/c we didn’t fool around and my husband dropped me off and it blew his mind, story for another time).
About a half hour into us catching up and he remembers he was supposed to call the kinda-girlfriend the second he walked in the door (which was only shortly before my arrival). He steps into the other room and I get to be the extremely silent and equally guilty feeling chick in the background.
I’m on the couch, silently typing away and filling my husband in on the details and sending a few sneaky pics on snapchat. If you’ve followed along you may have seen the progression of my realization that this dude is no longer a bachelor. It was pretty much during the phone call that it hit me. Between the pacing back and forth and listening to him ‘act normal’ and explain why he didn’t call right when he got home, I internally freaked out a tiny bit. I don’t meet cheaters, I don’t have any desire to have any of that bad karma. It’s just not my thing in any way shape or form, or so I thought.. So, his phone call ends (yes it was with an ‘I love you too’, in case you were wondering) and he comes back, grabs a drink and sits down.
I jump right into it since this obviously his girlfriend. Real, legit girlfriend that lives with him. He unloads the whole story. They’re serious…like get married and have babies kind of talk but there’s some bedroom issues and it’s making him reconsider the relationship. Now get out your tissues but the issue is that she wants to fuck 24/7. I know, I know…poor guy. Apparently though it’s an insane amount of pressure and he can’t stand fucking her now and sex is no longer fun and he never cums. He talked about the issues he was having and I honestly felt a little bad. She’s incredibly insecure and needs constant validation and wants it through sex. Him cumming means she’s pretty enough or some crazy bullshit. She’s 24(ish) so I guess that it’s youth and insecurity that has made her a sex fiend, but he could care less. He just wants to enjoy getting laid and have fun doing it, not have it always be a test of his commitment and her daily self esteem boost. This coming from the dude I’ve been fucking on and off for like 2 years who’s always enthusiastic and ready at the drop of a dime. Now to be fair (or at least transparent) this is where my ego decided to make all of my decisions. As we talked about ‘the situation’ he was all compliments and I ate that shit up. I usually don’t but it’s kinda nice being just what someone is craving and wanting even when they can get it elsewhere (literally) anytime. Also I was the first and only person he called, he wasn’t ‘trying to cheat’ but he desperately needed a reminder of how much he used to enjoy sex (according to him). So yeah, I fell right for that.
At this point I realized that this was pretty much up to me to hash this out and get down to details and real life talk. I laid out the details. I purposefully and literally made sure to say “this is literally cheating”, “can’t take it back”, “she’ll probably break up with you”, etc, etc. I also said that I’m 100% on board with just hanging out and not doing anything to cross a boundary or get him in trouble. My whole spiel lasted about 10-15 minutes. We hashed it out, fully. We had a pro and con list for christs sake. I don’t say any of this as an excuse, I actually think that the fact that this was consciously (and soberly) thought out and openly discussed might make it worse.
He made some compelling arguments (more flattery that my ego ate up) and for whatever reason we kind of just said fuck it, it’s happening. So it happened. As usual we had a fantastic fucking time. Difference being it was on his couch because finding my hair in his bed would not go over well so we tried to keep to one locale. Fucked up that we discussed minimizing the likelihood of her finding a long reddish/brown hair or a fucking eyelash (apparently she’s a tad jealous so she’s the type to find a single strand of hair that’s out of place). So yeah we fucked all over his couch and to be honest it was great and really hot. He was his usual enthusiastic self, telling me that he missed how my pussy felt and that he’s been needing to fuck me again and he wanted to make me cum all over his cock. While my moral compass was missing I felt more like I was helping out a friend and being my usual philanthropic self. I mean clearly he needed some fun care free sex and I knew I could help with that. Obviously it was working since he was on the edge of cumming half the time we fucked. I came riding him (reverse cowgirl on a couch) and those waves of my pussy squeezing his cock were too much…he pulled out and got up next to the couch. I put his cock in my mouth and immediately he said he cum if I kept it up. I wasn’t quite ready for that, neither was he, so I slowed down. He climbed on top of me, spread my legs apart and slid his cock into me. It felt amazing and I wanted to cum again right then and there but he beat me to it. As he moved in and out of me, stretching my pussy each time (he’s thick that one) he couldn’t hold out. He backed up just a little and asked where I wanted him to cum. Never one to make a situation better I pulled him in with my legs and told him to cum in my pussy. He did. It felt amazing, for both of us. According to my husband my asking him to cum inside me and him doing so without hesitation makes the whole thing worse. I can see his point but my husband and I had discussed it beforehand. There’s very very few people who I would consider letting cum in me and he was one of them. It seemed like this was potentially the last time we’d be meeting up and since it’s my favorite place for someone to cum I went for it.
After we fucked we had a smoke, finished our drinks and everything was the way it normally was. The indecisiveness, nervousness and all that from earlier was gone and I almost forgot he had a girlfriend. Almost. At that point I decided to head home since I really wanted to get back and jump on my husband while I had a pussy full of cum. I left for the night, after checking that I didn’t forget anything and ensuring that I didn’t leave any evidence. All in all it was ‘the usual’ with him and we had a great time. Once I was home I reconnected with my husband, we fucked like crazy and slept like babies. The next morning, when talking about the night before we realized that we sounded like people we didn’t recognize. Here we are rationalizing and making excusing for me ‘helping’ someone cheat. In all honesty I feel worse that I don’t feel bad/guilty. I know I should feel something negative but I just don’t feel it…it’s just a logical thought at this point. The feeling of guilt isn’t there and neither is remorse.
So those are the dirty details, here are the bullet points of the situation:
- Going in I truly wasn’t aware that he was in a serious relationship.
- I fully, clearly and verbally gave him an out, several times, before doing anything
that crossed a line. We discussed the consequences and decision like rational adults.
- I have an overall “not my circus, not my monkeys” mentality so if he was ok with the consequences then maybe it’s not on me to make the decision for him..
- I was there first…I’ve been fucking him for years now and they’ve been dating for no more than 3 months (the last time I saw him he was definitely single). I’ll probably be fucking him again if the wife and babies thing doesn’t pan out.
- They’ve been together 3 months!! Even though they’re serious, 3 months isn’t exactly home wrecking level adultery…at least in my opinion where there’s lots of shades of gray in cheating.
- He grew out his hair and has a major g-eazy vibe going on. The sluttiest parts of my brain were making the argument that this was just too physically tempting and I should go for it.
- I felt quite lovely in being able to provide something for a friend in their time of need. It may not have been a fun night out or a shoulder to lean on but I’ve done those too and this was just slightly (ok, totally) different.
- He hasn’t been fucking her because early on in their time together she came on so strong and pressured the hell outta him…so he’d had a dry spell and I get off on breaking people’s dry spells.
- My ego was having a field day and I let it. Not an excuse or attempt to disassociate from any blame, I just know that I was flattered and I ate it up and went with it because I wanted to.
- The date I had the week before this was awful. Really truly just an awful time. I was ready to never meet up with anyone else and completely shut this shit down. After having a day or two to process and talk about it with my husband I felt better. Not great but better. Overall, I didn’t want one bad experience to discolor all the rest so we decided we’d leave the door cracked open. If someone that I’ve met, liked and felt safe with got in touch then I’d go for it. He got in touch 4 days later, I jumped on the chance to have an excellent date in an effort to mentally replace the last one.
On the other hand; cheating is wrong. I’m not into it and never have been. I don’t meet people who are cheating regardless of their reasons. There was little to no care or regard for the third person in this situation. We were selfish and terrible. Cheating may have shades of gray but at the end of the day it’s still undeniably wrong and incredibly hurtful. I was wrong and it’s fucked up.
Lastly I’ll add that my husband is fine with the situation. He’s kind of in the same boat that we should feel terrible but just don’t really. Also there’s literally zero worry or concern of his girlfriend knowing who I am and interfering in our life in any way shape or form. Those are the facts which I’m sure if I read this over I would find them to be not only completely biased but also not at all impartial. It is what it is, I tried. I’d love to hear your thoughts, opinions and experiences.