Here are some of the questions that we have asked of each other when we started out, to this day (almost 2 years later) we like to revisit them as a way to check in and see where we’re each at. Obviously you shouldn’t answer these here but I thought it might be helpful for those who are in that stage of -she agreed do it, now what?-. So basically they’re conversation starters and questions to get a little insight on what your partner is thinking and expecting. Some are kind of silly and some are a bit of downers but they’ve helped us and it’s interesting to see how our own answers have morphed as we gain more and more experience in this lifestyle.
- What are your expectations?
- Do you have any reservations? If so, what are they?
- What do you feel are the benefits to you?
- What is it about our relationship that makes you think we can do this successfully?
- What is your ideal date night scenario?
- What level of involvement do you want with the third (i.e.texting, pictures, meeting, etc.)
- Do you prefer the guy(s) to be similar or completely different than your husband?
- How will you feel if friends and/or family finds out?
- How do you want and expect to share details?
- What is your preferred aftercare routine?
- Who do you consider to be off-limits (co-workers, friends, or specific people) ?
- What if some sex acts are preferred to only be done with others and not at home?
- Do you prefer one night stands or an ongoing casual relationship (fwb) ?
- How can I make exploring this kink easier and more enjoyable for you?
- How often would be an ideal amount of ‘hook ups’ ?
- Are there any sexual acts that you want reserved for just each other?
- What do you consider cheating under this arrangement?
- How will you feel if/when a rule is broken?
- How will you feel if one of us wants to stop and no longer pursue this fantasy?
- How important is fulfilling this kink to you?
- What aspects of hotwifing are the biggest turn ons? biggest turn offs?
- Can you think of any potential pitfalls?
- What are you most excited about in fulfilling this kink?
The what if game….
We like to be oddly specific when we’re throwing out ideas and gauging what the other person thinks so we play the what if game and it’s a bit of fun but really it has helped us a lot to narrow down the things that we really enjoy as well as the things that we don’t enjoy at all. It’s pretty self explanatory and a common thing when you’re figuring out how you want to do this but I thought adding it here couldn’t hurt. My advice though is to be specific even if the scenarios seem outlandish, you’ll be surprised by the offers you get and just how possible it is to find yourself in all sorts of sexy scenarios once you start doing this. We draw inspiration from porn, from the stories and comments here and of course there’s always a few that we’re just curious about. We also draw from our own rules and boundaries ( i.e. we don’t do overnights so I might ask what if I get thoroughly fucked and fall asleep at their place ?). We’ve realized that every time we have a few ‘what if…’ talks we come away much clearer on each others boundaries and turn ons so all in all I think it’s a good thing.