Before you watch this clip you’ll have to sit and hear me out. You’re about to check out a clip from Unfaithful. If you’ve seen it you’re aware that is it not at all a hotwife situation and that everything ends terribly for everyone and if you haven’t, omg go and watch it right now. I’m not going to deny that this movie is a terrible example when we’re talking hotwife lifestyle but…but…it has some great moments and that’s what I’m focusing on here. So, please be so kind as to suspend your belief for 6 whole minutes and just go with it because I do actually have a point and I don’t want to argue the details of the plot or the incatrisies of cheating.
There’s a few moments in the movie that stand out to me and we’re starting with my favorite example (not my favorite part of the movie, that would be the stairwell scene obviously) and the one that I think encapsulates the emotional rollercoaster that us wives experience. I’m gonna break it down into two parts. The Build up & The Train
The build up: Many of us hotwives are old married broads with kids, bake sales and other motherly endeavours so finding yourself midday in some dudes apartment about to fuck is an out of your element experience to say the least and it’s definitely a relatable moment she has there (at 2:06). I’ve shown up to a date with cookies (not quite muffins but still) and when I rewatched this it made me laugh. In the clip she’s about to cheat and that’s awful but the thoughts, the uncertainty, the running out and coming right back, the hesitation, the questioning, the thinking to yourself…wtf am I even doing right now? All normal and I’ve been there and I’m sure other wives can relate. Many people think of hotwife stuff as ‘cheating with permission’ and many others play up the cheating taboo within the hotwife lifestyle so it makes sense that there might be some overlap of feelings of guilt and uncertainty and I think the first few minutes of the scene show that so well. On the flip side it shows curiosity and anticipation so so well too. Haven’t we all been on a date and had that moment (1:30) where you just kinda go with it and eat up the compliments and flirting and enjoy the hell outta it? I hope you have or get to one day.
The train: Didn’t think much of this scene when I first saw the movie but after a re-watch…Holy shit…these 2 minutes of film are a perfect visual representation of what I’ve tried to describe to my husband a million times. Often times my favorite part of a date is the ride home. There’s a weird anticipation in it that you have to experience to understand but in this scene we’re focusing on the other emotions we experience. I’ve often said that this hotwife thing is a true rollercoaster of emotions for us wives and as you watch Diane Lane’s face in this scene you can see it play out beautifully. It’s everything I/we feel on that ride home or after a date. As the highlight reel plays in our minds it’s sexy, amusing, fun, there’s a little guilt, also excitement, trepidation, regret, embarrassment, relief, desire, satisfaction, disbelief…the list goes on. Again, I’m aware that she’s cheating and that’s wrong and she’s feeling some guilt and shame but we’re suspending our belief and going with it still, remember? Plus many wives do feel guilty and shameful and a host of other negative emotions even though they are being encouraged to be with other men. It’s social/moral programming that cheating is terrible and you should feel terrible so even with permission going through the motions of adultery can fuck with ones mind a bit. Back to the scene…watching each thought, memory and emotion play out across her face is an invaluable insight into what us wives are feeling after the fact. Just the fact that there’s so many thoughts and feelings swirling around in your mind and guy, it’s a lot to process and work through (both positive and negative depending on the person and the experience). The feeling of nobody around you knowing what you were just up to so you try to play it cool (like she is on the train) but in your head you’re thinking…Hottie McHotface was just balls deep and here I am driving home (or whatever normal activity to do after a date). Ladies if you haven’t experienced this I highly recommend a quick stop at a store on your way home next time. Yes you’re hair might be a mess, your lipstick long gone and you’ll probably smell of sex and cologne but that’s half the fun. Trust me. Hopefully you’ll get to experience the rush that she is, minus all the negative emotions she’s going through.
Overall my point in sharing this clip is to help those husbands out there to understand that there’s a spectrum of thoughts and feelings that us ladies go through and it’s not just playing out fantasies and hot steamy sex. For single guys, same thing really. Couples often complain about the difficulty in finding a guy who ‘gets’ the kink. This is part of what we want you to ‘get’. It’s not just sex for us couples, there’s a range of thoughts and emotions that husbands and wives go through and we appreciate guys who are empathetic and respectful of that. Yeah, it’s sexy, exciting and fun but there’s a marriage on one half of the equation and we want the guys we’re with to understand that it’s a big deal for some of us to step out with someone else. For the wives, I hope you can relate to what the character is experiencing, minus the shame and built of course.