sean-flanigan-junebug-weddings-06-16-2010-1009Somehow it only recently occurred to me that I have a list of things that I need fulfilled in order to participate in this kink with my husband. We’ve talked about the things that make him comfortable with it, talked about safety issues, std’s, respect & boundaries, etc. (the list is a mile long) but we hadn’t really talked about what I needed from him. As a hotwife I felt like there’s more for him to deal with since I’m the one going out and ‘having all the fun’ so my needs are somewhat secondary. I realized that I never even considered what I wanted from him since my thoughts are usually focused on his enjoyment and not fucking things up. 

So I gave him this list below and we talked it over before my latest meeting and things went really well for us. I think it made a difference now that we both are very clear on what we each want and need from each other. It’s something we talked about before we made this a reality and I was much more focused on what I needed from him in terms of aftercare and he’s been awesome about it but having a list of the more emotional aspects has been awesome for me (and us). So I thought I’d share it here since it relates to this lifestyle and because I feel like it might be fairly common for us wives to put our ‘stuff’ on the back burner to make sure that our husbands are happy….so here the rundown I gave him:

Confidence: I want you to be feeling like the greatest, sexiest, most amazing man in the world because you are. I have the most fun when I know you’re not feeling insecure or jealous…I can’t go out and meet someone if I feel like I’ll have to edit what I tell you when I get home (obviously I wouldn’t and haven’t done that)…I’d much rather postpone or cancel with someone then feel like I’m walking out the door when you’re not feeling 100%. You’re amazing and I’ve loved you forever…you’re absolutely perfect for me and from the day I’ve met you I thought you were the kindest person I’ve ever known. It also helps that you’re smokin’ hot and amazing in bed….there’s really no need to ever feel insecure but I get that this lifestyle brings stuff to the surface. I love being able to tell you what I liked about someone (physical or otherwise) and not worry that I may hurt your ego. If there’s even a chance that something I say or do is going to affect you in a negative way then I’d be very unhappy. I’d rather know that you’re having an off day/week/month and we should take a break…you should know that even though I like the variety of being with other people I don’t compare and never will…I hope you won’t either.

Lovin‘: If the days’ leading up to meeting someone isn’t filled with love & affection then I’m not on board. Even a little disagreement or a funky mood is enough to make me cancel or change plans. We have to be 100% us for me to want to ‘add’ anyone into the mix. It’s hard for me to come home and verbalize details but it’s so much easier when I can lay in your arms and cuddle and tell you everything. I need to feel like our connection/bond/affection is on point in order for me to feel secure enough to go fuck someone else.

Enthusiasm: This one goes hand in hand with you being turned on about my plans to meet someone else. I like when you get hard from reading texts or can’t wait to have sex after you know I’ve set up a date/time with someone. Even though I’m the one physically going out there I like knowing that you’re just as (if not more so) turned on and excited as I am. I also love when you encourage me to get in touch with someone; there’s been a few people that I’ve met that I thought were totally out of league but you insisted I just go with it and it always worked out amazingly well. I like when you’re genuinely interested in that person and what we have planned. I especially like when you have questions and want to be a part of the build up too. When you’re happy and I’m happy…so unless you’re really feeling it don’t agree to have me meet someone. I like knowing that you’re excited before I meet someone and that you’re turned on when I walk in the door after the fact. Now I also like showing you photos/videos/sexts knowing that it will drive you wild and then I get all awesome energy in bed.

Ideas: You’re my male perspective on soooo many things, hotwifing included. I love getting to pick your brain and then using your ideas to my advantage. I’m always nervous before meeting someone but you always have ideas and suggestions that make me feel more confident going into each encounter (when so much is unknown). I love the things you come up with even when they are terrible ideas or you’re clearly teasing me. I like knowing that you’re thinking of ways for me to be confident and comfortable and putting my feelings/enjoyment first.

Support/Encouragement: Yeah so from time to time I might need a kick in the ass to actually follow through with making this a reality. My nerves get the best of me but you always build me up and make me feel great. Like many other things I’d procrastinate about this too but with your support it makes it fun for me to step up and move things forward. I like that if I’m debating meeting someone you always know what to say or ask so that I don’t get too much in my own head about it. Also I like that you go as far as to help me get ready and get out of the house on time. When you’re putting effort into making sure the experience is great for me I know (like in my bones ‘know’) that you’re on board. I can’t enjoy anyone else’s company if I felt like you weren’t 100% on board with it so when you do all those little things to support me I know it’s so that I have the best time possible.

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