Told my wife I fantasize about her sleeping with other men and its caused us endless arguments over the last 2 days. Can someone offer clarity to my wife where I stand? from Hotwife

Not a husband but thought I’d offer a few words (hope you don’t mind)

she starts informing me that I want to be cuckolded

Could she want to cuckold you? Seems like she’s insisting that this is what you want even when you’re clear that it’s not. Also the fact that she seems to know exactly how that works and all that…could it be something she’s interested in?

Could she be deflecting the attention/discussion and making it sound extreme so that you back off? Maybe she’s not into it and making it out to be this twisted version of what you said and possibly deflecting so she doesn’t have to address what you’re really saying.

Cuckolding is what she’s describing (except for the bisexual aspect, that’s an orientation not a kink and not true of all cuckolds). Have you showed her the hotwife subreddits? Any blogs/web pages or forums that are about hotwifing and not cuckolding? Maybe her only exposure to anything like this is cuckolding so she’s just lumping it all together and wants no part of it. Maybe with more exposure to the facts of what hotwifing is she’ll be more open to communicating about it.

Any guys out there who can help her understand where I’m coming from?

Again, not a guy but….this hotwife fantasy has a lot of variations and everyone will get their own thing from it but some things are fairly universal. This is about couples who love and trust each other enough to include others in the bedroom, whether that’s in fantasy or reality. You’ll find that most of the husbands here enjoy this because they think so highly of their wives and want nothing more than seeing their wife as the wonderful, sexy and adventurous woman that she is/can be/wants to be. They love other men flirting with and lusting over their wife, they love seeing or hearing her in the throes of passion…it’s sexy, it’s homemade porn with your favorite lady, it’s taboo, it’s an ego boost, it’s a lot of different things. There’s not adultery (like your wife mentioned) because everything is done as a couple and transparency is paramount. It’s not being a submissive cuck who wants his wife to humiliate him…it’s about feeling like a strong sexually adventurous couple who enjoys exploring sexuality and kink together. It’s seeing your wife giving in to pleasure, it’s watching/hearing about her being appreciated and lusted after. Some of the guys are more alpha than anything and enjoy sharing their wife with guys who they feel are ‘worthy’ of enjoying some time with her. There’s a million reasons, a million configurations, a million motivations and it all comes down to the individual. You said

I just find it hot with a lot of guys wanting her, and being able to watch her with someone else.

Have you told her that? It sounds perfectly ‘normal’ to me that you enjoy the fact that you have a hot sexy wife that others would lust over, it feeds your ego and I’m sure would make her feel sexy, confident, etc. I think it’s awesome that you know what you like about this, that you know you want it to stay a fantasy, etc…I can’t imagine why she would insist she knows more about your kink and how you want it to be than you do. You say she’s stubborn…I’m stubborn so I get it but honestly it just seems mean that she would respond that way. Stubborn is saying no and sticking to it, mean is refusing to communicate about something and fighting about your SO’s fantasies. She sounds unwilling to listen to you in regards to your kink/fantasy and that’s pretty rude imo. Without open honest communication this rarely works out (even keeping it a fantasy) so that may be the issue more than anything. Maybe try having a conversation and show her the hotwife subs and talk about the experiences others have, maybe just having more exposure to couples who do this with love and respect will show her that not everything falls under the cuckold umbrella. Compare it to swinging or talk about wife sharing which don’t share as many as the associations that hotwife does with cuckolding. The husbands in those situations are pretty clear that they just enjoy watching their wife in the throes of passion and they love sharing in the sexual energy that those situations provide. I wish you luck and hopefully you’ll move past this to something positive that you both agree on and enjoy and at the very least kudos to you for sharing your fantasy and putting yourself out there. I know that can be hard enough and getting shot down and talked down to about it can be rough. Best of luck to y’all 🙂