My husband was super disappointed the first time I didn’t bring home any pictures. I was super disappointed that he was upset. We realized that we needed way more flexibility to avoid being let down when things change (and they will change).
His POV: I went on a date with someone I had been chatting with for a few weeks. We were all excited to get pictures and video. Date night came… I was happily fucking away for hours on end and was so caught up that I forgot to take pics. The fact that he wanted and expected pics was a mere afterthought to me and I was more concerned with getting off and having fun with the new guy.
My POV: I went on a date. The awesome guy I had been chatting with had a slight case of whiskey dick. I’m thinking ‘well busting out a camera right about now seems like a bad idea…I’ll get some audio and hubby will get a good listen if there’s any action’. Fun was had by all and I called it a night.
I told him before I got home that there weren’t any pics but I had fun and couldn’t wait to get back and jump in bed. Well he had plenty of time to assume the worst about the lack of pics while I was on my way home. I walked in to a disappointed hubby and I went into ‘oh shit, I screwed up’ mode. My bubble was burst after what I thought was a fun (successful) hotwife encounter. I explained that in light of the situation I felt like adding a camera to the mix wasn’t going to help his performance anxiety. I didn’t want to make a potentially awkward situation worse, especially not one that I was in the middle of. Of course my husband understood and we ended the night feeling just fine about it. We realized it was a misunderstanding of sorts and that he went right to assuming the worst.
In retrospect I can see that emotions ran high since it was early into us figuring out how to make this work. It was one of the first times I didn’t adhere to our predetermined plan. I felt terrible after the fact and he felt terrible for assuming the worst. We didn’t really leave room for rules to bend or things to change at the last minute and it left us scrambling to figure out how to fix it and make sure it didn’t happen again.
Of course it happened again…The guy from The Cabin story…I didn’t get pics with him either because I left my bag in another part of his house. I wasn’t planning on jumping into his bed quite as fast as I did but once we started kissing, clothes started coming off and we were wrapped up following the flow of events. I thought to grab my camera but that would put a stop to the action and I couldn’t find an appropriate time to grab it (we were kinda on a timer since he had people coming back home shortly). I wish I had gotten pics but in the moment it would have taken me out of the mindset of getting down with this handsome guy who was all over me so I could go find my phone and ask for pics. I made a choice to forgo pictures so I didn’t have to stumble through his house, naked, while looking for my things. It would have made me feel quite awkward and would have put a damper on how the situation was unfolding. I made sure to remember as many details as possible so I could relay them to hubby in lieu of pictures or video. Got home and explained what happened and things were fine. My husband, while bummed he didn’t get to see the awesome cumshot pic that could have been, was totally understanding and was happy to hear the dirty details from me instead.
If you’re wife meets people one on one then you have to trust her to make decisions in the moment that will affect everyone involved. Of course us wives want to make sure that we’re happy and our husbands are happy but when it’s just me and ‘some guy’ in bed I need the flexibility to go with the situation. We’re including a third person in our sex life and that person has wants, needs and desires of their own. Rules and boundaries are always discussed first but there’s still always surprises. There are times I’ve bent the rules in a way that accommodates the other person…and in turn makes the situation less awkward for me. For example…if I realize it’s getting late I’m not about to throw a guy off me if he’s taking a while to cum just because I need to be home by a certain time. I can explain to my husband that the situation would have been awkward and ruined for me if I had to pressure him to hurry up and cum so I could get home.
Rules will bend and break from time to time. Things change. Figure out how you’re going to feel about it and how you’re going to deal with it. Respect the fact that there’s now another person involved and they also have fantasies, ideas and wants all their own. When we’re on a date it’s an overwhelming mix of emotions (mostly positive ones) but that can be a lot to handle. Over time we’ve become a fan of less and less rules, like many other couples. The more rules you have the more it is for her to be worried about and focused on. The way we do things now is on a case by case basis for the most part. Rules are pretty much just for my safety and his piece of mind. All the other ‘rules’ are more like guidelines. I know my husbands preferences and he knows mine, we no longer try to micromanage what will actually happen on each date. Sex is far too unpredictable for that anyway and that mindset just led to us having a lot more disappointment when things changed in the moment.