While we’ve enjoyed our time indulging in this kink it doesn’t come without its setbacks. I thought I’d share them too since I post a lot of hotwife positive material…it’s only fair to see both sides of the coin. So while we’re in the thick of it here goes…. I made a mistake and broke one of our rules when meeting someone. I’m extremely sorry that I did and unfortunately my time machine is on back order and I can’t have a ‘do-over’.
I’ve always believed that it’s my responsibility to share everything with my husband: the good, bad & ugly and it’s not easy to talk about the bad & ugly stuff. It’s so incredibly hard to admit or talk about because I know that it’s my fault that my husband is hurt and this is truly one of the first times that I’ve been the cause of his pain. Fortunately for us we’ve always been each other’s biggest supporters so even though we’re both hurting we’re able to lean on each other when things get tough. We’ve taken some time to talk, examine, and do some soul searching, crying, and trying to figure out what’s next. Lucky for me my husband is the most open, compassionate, understanding man I know and he listened to everything I had to say and continues to love me despite me having made a mistake. We’re both feeling better now that we’ve heard each other out, talked, and redefined our rules and boundaries. We each know what the other needs moving forward to feel comfortable with continuing to meet people. With that said he did veto the guy for now and initially wanted to not continue living out this kink. I 100% agreed and truthfully am still on the fence. He’s my guy and if doing this means there’s a greater chance of me doing something that hurts him then the price is too high and I’m out. This time specifically it’s a mistake I can easily fix so for now we’re still entertaining the idea and will just make sure that we communicate with the 3rd more clearly, stay in touch more frequently throughout the night, etc… We’re all good now and both feeling like this can be something that we’re learning from and can move on from.
The mistake itself isn’t really important, I’m purposely not saying what it is/was because it’s the way it’s handed that I want to highlight. There will be ‘bumps in the road’ and unexpected situations…rules can be bent or broken, mistakes will be made. If you’re lucky they’ll be small and insignificant…and if you’re really lucky, no matter the mistake or its significance, you have a solid enough foundation that you can get through the turmoil that these issues bring. Every time that I’ve come home from meeting someone there’s usually a few ‘issues’…and even though this one was 100% a broken rule the process is the same for us. We talked it out. No fighting, no name calling, no guilt trips…just an honest, truthful conversation (that lasted all day)…we respect and love each other and our style has always been to hear each other out and go from there. Sometimes it takes a while to get back on the same page but we respect and admire each other so much that we never fight ‘dirty’. Here’s where all that trust, communication and mutual respect come in handy when you’re exploring this kink.
Work it out as soon as possible, don’t let problems and resentments build…talk it out and readjust or take a break. Don’t wait and see, if you’re not comfortable with something or the way things happened then speak up and fix it. Find your inner compassionate Buddha and help each other through your issues. It takes a lot of talking, loving & trust but it’s likely that you’ll be better off for it and moving forward everyone will be on the same page and things will go smoothly. So in the interest of helping other couples out there I hope that this is something you come across before you jump into this. We’ve learned a lot the past few days so here’s what we can share:
Dealing with an issue in regards to hotwifing is a whole different beast than the usual disagreements married couples have. Emotions run deeper and it’s incredibly important to be able to be able to talk it out.
Truth and absolute transparency is required! I’ve said before, and I’ll say again, the good, bad & ugly has to be communicated to your husband…and it’s awful when it’s the bad & ugly but it’s necessary.
When the bad or ugly comes out…be prepared to re-evaluate everything and take your time getting back on the same page. It’s worth the effort to start from scratch and talk about the rules/boundaries all over again.
There’s a deeply emotional side to every issue…most mistakes and broken rules really aren’t the end of the world but they have the potential to affect your partners trust in you and that just plain sucks.
You can choose to view things as positive or negative…in our case I made a mistake and obviously that gets thrown in the negative pile but we’ve learned a lot about us and what we want from this and it’s made us closer & stronger than before.
I’ll apologize if this post is vague and a little scattered, obviously it’s hard to be very detailed but, as always, messages are welcome if you and yours are having issues an trying to navigate how to recover from a hotwife setback.
so ..what was the mistake ..your blog is really so helpful..maybe th best one Ive ever read about hotwifing….it would be helpful to follow what the rule was how it was broken, what feelings he had, you had, etc…so we can really related to an experience… and learn fromit.. to feel and hear about an actual “thing” ?