Finding a third is easy

FInd a quality third is a different story.

There’s obviously a lot of posts that bemoan the fact that it’s incredibly hard to find men to join a couple. I promise you, it’s not. Your wife could open your front door and yell that she’s horny and find several people willing to fuck. Men are everywhere, all the time (it’s actually quite annoying). 

If you have no standards or preferences you can find willing dick any ol place…library, deli, dmv…dick, dick, dick. 

The problem comes down to finding respectful men who understand the hotwife dynamic and want to add to that and not just get off in a soft warm place. 

Unfortunately the work falls onto the couple to weed through the bullshit to find a gem. It’s work. If you want, plan or think that you can find a quality guy without working for it, you’re gonna have a bad time. They rarely fall from the sky into your lap, sometimes but not often. 

So here’s how the process goes for many people. 

They throw out an ad online (let’s say Reddit for ease here). They get anywhere from 10 to 80 million private messages. Now you get to sort through and look for ‘the one(s)’!!!

You probably expect this to be sexy, fun, exciting, etc. It probably won’t be, it gets there but at first, no, lower your expectations. 


About 50% of these messages will be some variation of ‘hey’ ‘hi’ ‘let me fuck your wife’ ‘big dick here, will destroy’… you get the picture. Most messages will be from the dudes who will literally stick their dick in an electrical socket if you paint a pussy on it. 

20% (at least) are pic collectors. They haven’t learned that you can google search boobs and see so many, totally free of charge! They want your pics though and why is that? Most likely control issues and entitlement. Cute combo, eh. The problem with pic collectors is that they’ve learned and evolved and can lead you on for a good long while only to ghost or disappoint when it comes down to it. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying this fantasy through sharing sexy pics but if that’s not what you’re looking for it’s just manipulation and that’s not okay. Decide what photos you want to share, how many, and only share those. I think it’s fair for everyone involved to see plenty of photos before meeting, we all want to be assured that we’re attracted. That doesn’t mean anyone should demand an endless stream of content with no plan of meeting up.

10% of the messages will be pity parties. I cannot fathom why men think this is appealing but it’s not. You’ll get a lot of ‘I’m a virgin, make my dreams come true’, ‘I’m divorced and she wouldn’t suck dick so please do this for me’, along with all manner of sad, lonely men who feel owed a lay because…sad? Idk. It happens though. I’m sorry you’ve endured something tragic or sad or you have low self esteem but that doesn’t exactly get the panties dropping so stop with that. 

There’s about 5% that are straight up psychopathic monsters. The amount of pedophiles and rapists and overall violent sociopaths that will message you is…alarming. As wives we oftentimes have kids, ya know who loves kids…pedos. Keep your family life separate when chatting with people. Don’t tell anyone your kids ages or names or anything at all. If you haven’t been graced by these people in your inbox, consider yourself blessed. The sheer volume of violent sexual fantasies people have sent me, starring me, is honestly cause for concern for humankind. Who the fuck hurt you people? Geez. Rejection and lack of attention makes some mad stark raving mad so be careful who you give your time and attention to and never hesitate to block anyone for any reason. 

There’s at least 10% of people that live across the country, across the world, didn’t read your post, they just have so much extra time in the day that they message couples hoping that maybe they’ll be across the world next weekend and want to fuck a stranger. There’s no hope for these people. Ignore and move on. If you’ve put your location in your post and they can’t read, do you really wanna fuck em?  (no offense to illiterate people but they probably aren’t reading this and taking offense anyway. 

So far I can confidently say Ignore these people, ignore these messages. Nobody is owed your time, a response, etc. Block and move on. There’s plenty of other fish in the sea (bulls in the pen? idk). 

Fortunately there’s still about 15% here that isn’t straight trash. Unfortunately about 10% will be people who are great but don’t quite work. Maybe personality is there but there’s no attraction or vice versa. It happens. It sucks but there’s not much you can do. Some folks write amazing messages, are local, have everything going for them but if they don’t make you feel excited or you’re not attracted to them, you gotta pass. Hate when it happens but it’s part of the lifestyle. My personal take is, I’m always happy to make friends in the lifestyle so if they wanna stay friendly, awesome. I’ll definitely keep them in mind and recommend them to other wives or couples. Attraction is such an individual thing so just cause I’m not picking up what you’re putting down, doesn’t mean a friend of mine won’t.

The remaining 5% is where the gems are. These are the people that you should put the time and effort in to get to know. For these 5% I would go as far as to say bend your rules a bit. If you only send 3 pics but they want to video verify, go for it. If you find a handful of guys, or even just a few, be willing to compromise so everyone involved is comfortable and getting what they want from the experience. Of course there’s a chance that none of the 5% will be a good fit, that’s when you start again with a post and start the roller coaster all over again. You still want to verify these folks, make sure you’re being safe, make sure you’re actually compatible and not settling and all that good stuff. 


Now obviously that’s all just my opinion and the numbers are completely made up based on my experiences. Yours can and will differ. I think a lot of experienced couples will find some familiarity here and for new couples, let it serve as a heads up on what you might find when you open the floodgates of looking for guys to join you. 


At the end of the day a lot of finding a person to join you and even finding a couple comes down to this. You get what you give. If you can only give 30 seconds of your time to craft a message, don’t expect anyone to give you the time to get to know you. If you can’t make the effort to arrange or plan a date night, don’t expect the other people to do it for you. Same for photos, if you send a blurry pic of your dick from a dive bar bathroom stall, your expectation shouldn’t be to get full on boudoir style photoshoot back. In that case, don’t expect anything back cause these bathroom selfies are outta control and downright gross. I’ll be fully honest and add the warning that just because you’re putting in time and effort doesn’t guarantee that you’ll get that returned, and most likely not exactly at the same level. That’s ok and it’s common. There’s a bit of a time sink that goes into this lifestyle and it’s just a part of it. Vetting people takes time and energy and it won’t always be returned. If you can accept that and take a more relaxed approach to finding guys you’ll find yourself less stressed and disappointed in the long run.